I love the spy genre. It's been a favourite of mine ever since I saw my very first James Bond movie, Thunderball, at the tender age of eight and I've never looked back.

Over the years, I've watched a multitude of spy films and television series, but few were ever executed so well as the British programme, Spooks, known in the States as MI-5. I know people have criticised it for going downhill after Tom Quinn left, but I loved the fact that it had changing characters--that no one was safe so the tension and suspense of whether or not a main character would die was REAL. So much more real than most television shows try to depict because, in they end, they won't kill off their mains. Spooks wasn't afraid to do that, and OH MY GOD, have I cried buckets of tears as a result. I've always thought the writing and acting was strong. Yes, there were series that were weaker than others and actors/characters that I actively hated, but the show was so good overall that I was able to put those feelings aside very easily and keep watching it year after year.

( Spoilers from past series as well as the latest one: )

For all its intrigue and politics, this show never lacked humanity. They never sacrificed character over story. The characters WERE the story: how they dealt with a life of telling lies and facing death constantly. Thank you, Spooks, Kudos Productions, David Wolstencroft, the writers, the cast, and everyone involved with making this programme. I will miss it, especially when next autumn rolls around.

It's a good thing I'm reading over each chapter of The Beast as I get it posting-ready with the HTML and formatting and whatnot because I'm still finding things that need a bit of tweaking and editing and, much to my horror, words I've accidentally left out thanks to my fabulous typing skills which do not exist.

I can't believe it's October already. I haven't even got together a schedule for my annual spooky TV and film viewing fest. I also haven't a clue as to what the Thanksgiving menu is going to look like and that's only a week away! Panicking slightly here. Ugh. How did October creep up on me so fast? I guess writing really has taken over my life since that's all I seem to be doing lately--apart from squeeing fanatically about Tyler/Caroline with txgirl0302 and occasionally cheriebee27 on Twitter.

I wonder if this is what it's like for professional authors and if almost everything else in their lives falls by the wayside? Maybe I'm just bad at time management and have crappy organisational skills...?

I was hoping to catch this via livestream but none of the channels were working for me so now I have to wait. It's killing me that two-thirds of the episode has already been broadcast and I can't watch it yet. I just want to see Tyler and Caroline.

I'm trying to distract myself but I'm getting so angry and frustrated. Editing The Beast would seem like a good idea right about now, only I kind of grew to hate it over a recent six day period in which I couldn't go online so I'd work on the story. I wish it was as good as how I saw it all unfolding in my head. I'm not quite sure why I'm bothering to continue with it. I suppose it's at the point where even if I no longer care about the story, I still do care about completing something--to prove to myself that I can. Which is a huge accomplishment for me even if the story does suck.

And now TVD is three-quarters over... *sigh*

It's late and I'm tired (and I'm retaining more water than is comfortable) and I'm not 100% sure, but I think The Beast is complete. The first draft is anyway, although with all the rewriting and editing I did over the time I was blocked, I'd say half of it won't need as critical an eye. I can't relax just yet, but I'm really, truly in the home stretch.

Transcribed the scene I wrote in my notebook last night and reworked and expanded it a bit. The old scene has been fully excised and the new one cut into The Beast--now clocking in at 32,929 words. *gulp* (You were only supposed to be 8,000-10,000 words, Beast! What happened?!?!)

I'm not sure, but I think I have only three or four scenes left to write and then it's DONE. I...I might even get those scenes written today. All but one of them shouldn't be too long or intensive so it's possible. Holy crap. I don't know how to feel.

Right now I'm rewarding myself with some Kahlua chocolates my brother brought back from Mexico. Mmmm....

Just spent the last few hours working on a scene that has been kicking my ass up until tonight. I even tried earlier this evening but just came up with more crap that was not right for the story or the characters. It's a really rough write up I did by hand in a notebook--and my pen actually ran out of ink partway through. Annoying! I just sat there with the notebook in my lap, zoning out, imagining the scene this way, that way, every way, until finally it began to play properly like a movie in my mind's eye (a rather porny movie, but WHATEVER) and I started writing it down and it all...just sort of happened and I think it works and I now have ten pages to transcribe, which I will do tomorrow because holy crap, am I tired!

I am now going to follow the example my userpic is setting.

OMG I just passed the 30,000 word mark on The Beast. I am EXHAUSTED. And I'm still not finished!

I'm taking a proper break now. I really need to clear my brain for a few hours. Maybe go for a walk. I also need to go on a booze run.

And then there's Haven to look forward to later tonight. I've really fallen in love with that little show.

I've been writing all morning and afternoon for the most part. I occasionally check out Twitter and cheriebee27's latest blog entry for a small mental break from The Beast. (Damn you, Cherie, for writing up interesting TVD spoiler entries that I can't resist reading and keep refreshing to see if any new comments have been posted.)

I'm not really sure how The Beast is coming along. I'm getting close to finishing the rough draft...I think. It's more of a half rough draft and half ready to post draft. Some parts I'm totally happy with--or, more accurately, I've done all I can with those scenes and if they can be made better, then it's not within my capabilities as a writer.

I'm still very unsure about the characterisation. There are a few moments when I think I've got them perfectly nailed down and others where I wonder if they resemble the characters from the show in any way. I'm worried I've made Tyler into a bit of a lovesick wuss. I'm trying to play up his vulnerability along with his more controlled and relaxed persona we saw in 2x20 and 2x21, but I think I may have gone too far. It's just...I don't think he just sorta fell for Caroline. I think he's totally and completely besotted with her, which I think is part of the reason why he felt so betrayed when he found out Caroline had been lying to him all along, especially since he'd been so up front with her once the whole vampire/werewolf thing was out in the open between them. His "I trusted you!" could have just as easily been "I fell in love with you!", IMO. I'm trying to strike a balance with that and keep Tyler's snark and his anger issues into play, but I don't think it's working.

Blargh. Whining and hand-wringing now done, I shall go back to writing. Please, writing muse, let me finish this draft today.

I am my own worst enemy: I went for a walk today, and it being the sunny, hot day that it is (finally!), I decided to listen to music I reserve for summer weather. This music has heavy Middle Eastern influences and makes me think of sand dunes, ancient ruins, and camels. You know, African desert-y type stuff.

And that's where it all went so horribly wrong.

I'm trying to finish The Beast and I am getting there, but it's a very painful process. I know what scenes are missing and I just have to write them down. Easier said than done, since I'm having problems getting into the right head space and can't get at the right words that I know are there, but still too ephemeral to grasp.

What has my writing trouble to do with the playlist I chose to listen to today? Well, instead of finishing The Beast, I now have visions of Tyler and Caroline travelling the world, ending up in Cairo, Egypt, wandering through ruins and souks, bumping into the descendants of Rick O'Connell, Evelyn Carnahan, Jonathan Carnahan, and Ardeth Bay, somehow triggering the Hamunaptra curse, and joining up with them to fight against a newly risen mummy. *sigh* I'm serious. I really, really want to write a TVD/The Mummy crossover now. Why does my stupid brain do this shit to me?

But I'm not going to write it. I am going to suppress this urge and open The Beast document and work on finishing it. I am NOT going to watch The Mummy. I AM GOING TO FOCUS ON FINISHING THE BEAST.

Though I will be taking a break to watch Haven later tonight, because OMG it's so good. How did a show that was so boring in season one become so amazing in season two? The writing, the acting, everything is so much better this season.

Still feeling insecure about my Tyler and Caroline characterisations. I've got to stop reading Tyler/Caroline fanfic until I'm finished writing my story. It's just not good for my ego.

I've figured out there's a second reason keeping me from finishing the damned thing. For the past month or so, I've been writing the story chronologically: and now this scene is next, and then Tyler and Caroline do that, and the following day this happens, etc., whereas before, I was writing whatever scenes were already fully developed and plotted out in my imagination--for which I had written plenty of notes, too. And those scenes were all over the place. One of the first scenes I ever wrote back in mid-January (yes, that's how long I've been working on this) happens three-quarters of the way into the story.

I think I need to go back to writing the story in this manner. Well, first I need to do a proper outline (with a handy time line to keep track of the moon phases) for what's left to write. I feel a bit scattered so that might help me focus. And then I'm going to write the scenes that are most vivid and fully realised first until, eventually, all the remaining scenes are written.

And then the rewrites can begin! I was hoping to have this finished by July 1st, but I'll be lucky if I finish before season three starts on September 15th. This is where I could really use a beta. Yes, please do check my grammar and characterisation *rends hair and clothing*, but more than anything, please browbeat me into finishing this goddamned beast!